Best Joke of the Year
New Skin
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the Skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
______________________________________________________
Law Student
UK Immigration Officer talks with new trainee : "You will find that 80% of M'sians come to UK to study Law"
Trainee : "Really .......?? We must have really good Law institutions here then.......?"
Officer: "You know, there ought to be a lot of lawyers in Malaysia."
Trainee: "Oh, really......? That's really something I never knew. Hard to believe. In fact, Malaysia is not a big country, I've been there., you know."
Officer: "I'll prove it to you. You just stand here until the next Malaysian comes along and I'll bet he's here to study Law.
Trainee waits for the next influx of visitors at the immigration check point. After going through a few passports he finally chanced upon a M'sian passport.
Trainee: " Mr Chong Ah Kow, welcome to Britain. Please state the purpose of your visit"
Mr Chong Ah Kow :" Study lorr....."
______________________________________________________
Don't test woman
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists...2 men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another, six in a row. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks," she said, "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Moral: Never put a woman to the test.
______________________________________________________
Choosing Wife
This is a story about Ahbeng in search of a wife with the help of his mother, Ahkew. One day Ahbeng's mother bring home 3 pretty girls and introduce to Ahbeng . The 3 pretty girls name and occupation :
1.) Ahuey - Telephonist
2.) Ahmoi - Primary Skool Teacher
3.) Ahlian - Bus Conductor
Ahbeng very sexcited lar of course then after a while of chatting with the girls his mother asked him.
Ahkew : Ahbeng, how ? Which one you like the most ?
Ahbeng : I like Ahlian the most
Ahkew : Aiyoh bus conductor only wor! where got future wan? Ahmoi not bad leh! gomen work you know? good benefit, next time your children wanna go to skool also easy
Ahbeng : Ahmah dunwan laaa!!
Ahkew : Why dunwan?
Ahbeng : bcoz skool teacher they love to say "PLEASE REPEAT!! DO AGAIN!!! I Want it done 10 times...SOME MORE, SOME MORE! " Like this very tiring everynite I can die one ahmah!
Ahkew : aiyoo!!! then Ahuey lar! at least she is better than Ahlian
Ahbeng : Dunwan also! ahmah, she is telephonist la! they love to say " WAIT A MINIT! PLEASE HOLD ON!" dem potong stim lidat ahmah where got mood to make baby la?
Ahkew : Aiyoyo!!! then what u like about Ahlian so much? bus conductor only wor!!! Where got future one ?
Ahbeng : Ahmah you dunno wan la ... I always take mini bus to KL, those women bus conductor always say "BANG! MASUK BELAKANG!!! MASUK DALAM SIKIT!!! DALAM ADA TEMPAT!!! MASUK MASUK!!!" (in yingrish it means "go in behind, go deep inside! go deeper some more! inside still got place!! deeper! deeper!!!) everytime they say lidat i also very sexcited one !!!!
______________________________________________________
Big Texas
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"
The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located.
The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door.
Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!'
______________________________________________________
Baby
A young lady in the maternity ward, just prior to labor, is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband," she replies.
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?", asks the Midwife.
"No, no boyfriend either." "Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having the baby on my own."
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black."
"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in an adult movie. The lead man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes."
"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."
At this the midwife again apologizes collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the rear. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Well thank God for that!"
"What do you mean?!" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark."
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the Skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
______________________________________________________
Law Student
UK Immigration Officer talks with new trainee : "You will find that 80% of M'sians come to UK to study Law"
Trainee : "Really .......?? We must have really good Law institutions here then.......?"
Officer: "You know, there ought to be a lot of lawyers in Malaysia."
Trainee: "Oh, really......? That's really something I never knew. Hard to believe. In fact, Malaysia is not a big country, I've been there., you know."
Officer: "I'll prove it to you. You just stand here until the next Malaysian comes along and I'll bet he's here to study Law.
Trainee waits for the next influx of visitors at the immigration check point. After going through a few passports he finally chanced upon a M'sian passport.
Trainee: " Mr Chong Ah Kow, welcome to Britain. Please state the purpose of your visit"
Mr Chong Ah Kow :" Study lorr....."
______________________________________________________
Don't test woman
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists...2 men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another, six in a row. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks," she said, "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Moral: Never put a woman to the test.
______________________________________________________
Choosing Wife
This is a story about Ahbeng in search of a wife with the help of his mother, Ahkew. One day Ahbeng's mother bring home 3 pretty girls and introduce to Ahbeng . The 3 pretty girls name and occupation :
1.) Ahuey - Telephonist
2.) Ahmoi - Primary Skool Teacher
3.) Ahlian - Bus Conductor
Ahbeng very sexcited lar of course then after a while of chatting with the girls his mother asked him.
Ahkew : Ahbeng, how ? Which one you like the most ?
Ahbeng : I like Ahlian the most
Ahkew : Aiyoh bus conductor only wor! where got future wan? Ahmoi not bad leh! gomen work you know? good benefit, next time your children wanna go to skool also easy
Ahbeng : Ahmah dunwan laaa!!
Ahkew : Why dunwan?
Ahbeng : bcoz skool teacher they love to say "PLEASE REPEAT!! DO AGAIN!!! I Want it done 10 times...SOME MORE, SOME MORE! " Like this very tiring everynite I can die one ahmah!
Ahkew : aiyoo!!! then Ahuey lar! at least she is better than Ahlian
Ahbeng : Dunwan also! ahmah, she is telephonist la! they love to say " WAIT A MINIT! PLEASE HOLD ON!" dem potong stim lidat ahmah where got mood to make baby la?
Ahkew : Aiyoyo!!! then what u like about Ahlian so much? bus conductor only wor!!! Where got future one ?
Ahbeng : Ahmah you dunno wan la ... I always take mini bus to KL, those women bus conductor always say "BANG! MASUK BELAKANG!!! MASUK DALAM SIKIT!!! DALAM ADA TEMPAT!!! MASUK MASUK!!!" (in yingrish it means "go in behind, go deep inside! go deeper some more! inside still got place!! deeper! deeper!!!) everytime they say lidat i also very sexcited one !!!!
______________________________________________________
Big Texas
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"
The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located.
The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door.
Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!'
______________________________________________________
Baby
A young lady in the maternity ward, just prior to labor, is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband," she replies.
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?", asks the Midwife.
"No, no boyfriend either." "Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having the baby on my own."
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black."
"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in an adult movie. The lead man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes."
"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."
At this the midwife again apologizes collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the rear. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Well thank God for that!"
"What do you mean?!" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark."
posted by JJ at 11:15 AM
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