Another day of boredom needs jokes
Magic 1 2 3 4
A man had been troubled by his inability to achieve an erection. After visiting numerous doctors and not getting any help he decided to consult a witch doctor.
The witch doctor threw some herbs in the fire,shook his rattle,and danced wildly. When he was through he said,"I have placed a powerful spell on you, but it will only work once a year. When you are ready just say...1,2,3, and you will get the largest erection that you have ever had.
After your wife has been satisfied she simply has to say, 1,2,3,4, and it will be gone for one year." Later that night as the man lay in bed he said to his wife,"Watch this! 1,2,3!" His organ sprang to life, larger and stiffer than ever before.
His wife was amazed, she smiled and said,"That's great! But what did you say 1,2,3, for?
______________________________________________________
New CEO
A company, feeling it was time for a shapeup, hires a new CEO.
The new CEO is determined to rid the company of all unproductiveworkers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a young chap leaning on awall and relaxing.
The room is full of workers who were busy working, except for this guy.
The CEO decides to let his staff know that he means business!
The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you makea week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make$300.00 a week.........Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $600 in cash and screams, "Here's two weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!".
Surprised and in fear, the guy immediately leaves. Feeling pretty good about having fired his first worker, the CEO looks around the room andasks, "Does anyone want to tell me which department that worker belonged to?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "He was the Pizza Delivery guy from Pizza Hut's."
______________________________________________________
Love Story
Long Long time ago, there lived a pair of siblings. Bothwere blessed with some gifts.Brother had a pair of eyes who could see a distance far far awaySister had a pair of ears who could listen to anything
They grew up together and experienced happiness and sadness together.They like to run to the hills to play. Brother would look at far awaycountries and tell the sister the majestic view that he see. Sisterwould listen to the beautiful sounds and describe for the brother.
As time goes by, brother and sister started to fall in love with eachother. They knew that it was wrong, but they could not controlthemselves. They continued to love each other.
Alas, their parents found out about it. Father was very mad, mother wasvery sad. The neighbours would point fingers at them and gossip aboutthem. Brother and sister were adamant about their love for each other.
To prove that they were truly in love with each other, Brotherdestroyed his eyes and Sister destroyed her ears. They felt that sincethey could not get the blessings, they did not want the gifts.
Long long after, a musician heard this beautiful love story and wastouched by it. He decided to compose a song for the lovers.
I came across this song and it touched my heart too. However, I did notbuy his CD, so I cannot share with you the lovely song.
I remembered the lyrics though, and will share with you how touching this song is? enjoy..
(Chinese hanyu pinyin)
Liang zhi lao hu, Liang zhi lao hu
Pao de kuai, pao de kuai
Yi zhi mei you yan jing, yi zhi mei you er duo
Zhen qi guai, zhen qi guai.
______________________________________________________
Monkey
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.
______________________________________________________
2 Weaseals
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."
______________________________________________________
2 news bad and worst?
A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'. 'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient. The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'. 'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news possibly be worse?' The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterday'.
A man had been troubled by his inability to achieve an erection. After visiting numerous doctors and not getting any help he decided to consult a witch doctor.
The witch doctor threw some herbs in the fire,shook his rattle,and danced wildly. When he was through he said,"I have placed a powerful spell on you, but it will only work once a year. When you are ready just say...1,2,3, and you will get the largest erection that you have ever had.
After your wife has been satisfied she simply has to say, 1,2,3,4, and it will be gone for one year." Later that night as the man lay in bed he said to his wife,"Watch this! 1,2,3!" His organ sprang to life, larger and stiffer than ever before.
His wife was amazed, she smiled and said,"That's great! But what did you say 1,2,3, for?
______________________________________________________
New CEO
A company, feeling it was time for a shapeup, hires a new CEO.
The new CEO is determined to rid the company of all unproductiveworkers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a young chap leaning on awall and relaxing.
The room is full of workers who were busy working, except for this guy.
The CEO decides to let his staff know that he means business!
The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you makea week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make$300.00 a week.........Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $600 in cash and screams, "Here's two weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!".
Surprised and in fear, the guy immediately leaves. Feeling pretty good about having fired his first worker, the CEO looks around the room andasks, "Does anyone want to tell me which department that worker belonged to?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "He was the Pizza Delivery guy from Pizza Hut's."
______________________________________________________
Love Story
Long Long time ago, there lived a pair of siblings. Bothwere blessed with some gifts.Brother had a pair of eyes who could see a distance far far awaySister had a pair of ears who could listen to anything
They grew up together and experienced happiness and sadness together.They like to run to the hills to play. Brother would look at far awaycountries and tell the sister the majestic view that he see. Sisterwould listen to the beautiful sounds and describe for the brother.
As time goes by, brother and sister started to fall in love with eachother. They knew that it was wrong, but they could not controlthemselves. They continued to love each other.
Alas, their parents found out about it. Father was very mad, mother wasvery sad. The neighbours would point fingers at them and gossip aboutthem. Brother and sister were adamant about their love for each other.
To prove that they were truly in love with each other, Brotherdestroyed his eyes and Sister destroyed her ears. They felt that sincethey could not get the blessings, they did not want the gifts.
Long long after, a musician heard this beautiful love story and wastouched by it. He decided to compose a song for the lovers.
I came across this song and it touched my heart too. However, I did notbuy his CD, so I cannot share with you the lovely song.
I remembered the lyrics though, and will share with you how touching this song is? enjoy..
(Chinese hanyu pinyin)
Liang zhi lao hu, Liang zhi lao hu
Pao de kuai, pao de kuai
Yi zhi mei you yan jing, yi zhi mei you er duo
Zhen qi guai, zhen qi guai.
______________________________________________________
Monkey
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.
______________________________________________________
2 Weaseals
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."
______________________________________________________
2 news bad and worst?
A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'. 'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient. The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'. 'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news possibly be worse?' The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterday'.
posted by JJ at 5:07 PM
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