Some short dirty jokes

Friends

Friends are like underwear, always a comfort.
Good friends are like condom always protecting.
Great friends are like viagra, lift you up when you are down. ______________________________________________________

The sad life of a penis

"I only have one eye, my hair is a mess, my skin is wrinkly, my relatives are nuts, my neighbor's an a**hole and my best friend's a pu**y." ______________________________________________________

Engineering

Why are WOMEN are regarded as the best ENGINEERS in the WORLD?
Because they can DEMOLISH an ERECTION without damaging the STRUCTURE!
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Make Love

Don't make love to a policewoman; she will say "STOP".
Don't make love to a nurse, she will say "NEXT",
but make love to a bus conductor, she will say,

"MASUK DALAM LAGI!!"
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Condom size

Man: I wanna buy condom
Salesgirl : May I hold your penis for size?
Salesgirl : Give him a 'M'. Wait...
Salesgirl : Give him 'L'..
Salesgirl : wait...give him 'XL'...
Salesgirl : Oh shit.... Give me a TISSUE..... ______________________________________________________

Sex?

An Arab interview at the US Checkpoint.
Officer: Your name please?
Arab Guy: Abdul Aziz
Officer: Sex? Arab
Guy: Six times a week.
Officer: I mean male or female?
Arab Guy: Doesn't matter, sometimes even camel.
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Reincarnation

Dracula asks God "May I reincarnate into a white angel with wings and still suck blood?"
God said "OK, I'll turn you into a KOTEX!"
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Oil Helps?

Teacher : Why you rub oil on your head whenever I am teaching?
Student : Last night, I heard my mum told my dad, rub oil on the HEAD. If not, cannot go in.
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Old Vs Young

British aged 90 married a 16 years old. He had baby every year and bragged that his engine was turbo. When the fifth was born, the nurse said "Check engine oil, baby is black". ______________________________________________________

Wife Fault Not Mine

A man went to the hospital for a checkup. The doctor said he has penis cancer. He went home, upset, shouted at his wife with anger, "SEE, I TOLD YOU TO STOP SMOKING!"
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Milking Machine

Farmer ordered a MILKING MACHINE. Tried it on his penis and had a wonderful orgasm, but can't remove it. So, he reads the manual and faints. It says "AUTO RELEASE AFTER 2 LITRES".
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Breasts

Teacher : Why do cow look depressed when being milked?
Student : Madam, if someone rubs and squeeze your breasts for 2 hours but don't f**k you, how would you feel?
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Penis

Woman asked god to make the penis pretty. He said no way. Now it's ugly and you suck it. If it is pretty, you would eat it.